Afghanistan - Dry, dusty, can't get a drink. Not an ideal holiday destination. Play a national game involving a dead goat. High chance of being shot, or stoned to death.
Belgium - What the fuck is in Belgium? There's nothing. Even the much vaunted "Belgian beer" is sub-par (especially for an ignoramus lager drinker such as myself). Plus they have lunches that go on for hours and hours.
Brunei - A tiny little country in Asia, which thanks to some oil reserves is so fucking rich the Sultan has a gold-plated car. in fact he has several. What the fuck? It's another example of stupid fucking countries getting ideas above their station and far too much fucking money simply for oil.
Burma - Called "Myanmar" by it's ruling military psychos, the "State Peace and Development Council" - an unironically Orwellian name for a government made up entirely out of senior military officials. The legislative branches of government are mostly concerned with stopping anybody pointing out they're not doing anything really. The judiial branch is mostly concerned with having people executed, or forced into labour camps. And to top it all off the Burmese army soldiers operating against the ethnic people of the Shan State are allowed (according to some reports encouraged) to rape women and girls in a systematic attempt to subjugate the populace. Not a very nice place then.
China - Shoot lots of people. Ruled by a bllody-minded Communist party, and yet still their economy is going to be the biggest in the World soon. And they don't stop breeding.
Finland - Like Belgium, but even worse. Even it's offical tourist website makes the country seem about as interesting as a box of screws. One of the "highlights" in the "things to do" section includes a very gay photo of some men on skis being dragged along by reindeer. In fact it only has two "things to do" really, in summer you walk, in winter you ski. I walk down the shops everyday, just because you're doing it surrounded by trees doesn't make it any more interesting. In fact it's less interesting than walking around a city, as at least in the city you might see something fun, like a car accident or a mugging. And skiing is gay (snowboarding doubly so).
France - Almost everything is wrong with France. French people in cities are very nice, French people elsewhere are stupid cunts. Also the country is shut down about 50% of the time due to some minor unskilled profession (lorry driver, baggage handler, zoo keeper) going on strike to preserve their special social model laws, which allow any fucking idiot to force his workplace to keep him on, no matter how inept he is, and also keep a sizeable chunk of all French people out of work.
Iraq - Don't go there unless you want to be shot. Or blown up.
Iran - Truly shitty country, which absolutely no redeeming features at all. Well maybe there are a few but it's hard to find them behind all the stonings, and burning American flags, and their President's strange method of just screaming abuse at Jews instead of, y'know, actually running his country.
Israel - Every time you think they might have thought something through properly, and might be making actual steps towards peace, they go and blow up a few schools or invade Lebanon, simply making things worse for themselves.
Kuwait - Another victim of "shit country with oil" syndrome, where it's importance in World affairs is far above any actual achievment by the country or any of it's citizens.
Kyrgyzstan - Look at that name? Who in their right mind would live in a country where you choke every time you try and pronounce it's name.
Lesotho - The whole "country-inside-another-country" is really stupid.
Luxembourg - An utterly pointless country that might as well just give itself to France.
Nepal - Might be quite nice, aside from the ongoing civil unrest, but has a stupid shaped flag so has to go.
North Korea - Utterly insane country run by an evil midget. Massive food shortages and intense distrust of the outside World mean that practically all it's citizens live short, shitty lives. On top of this they seem determined to build a nulcear bomb.
Oman - Another crappy country with oil.
Poland - While I can't think of anything bad about Poland in particular, I can't actually think of anything good.
Saudi Arabia - Big country, with lots of oil, danger of getting shot and to boot was the second most oppressive Islamic regime before the fall of Afghanistan in 2001. So I now presume they're the best at mutilating women and cutting off the hands of starving children.
Somalia - Ever seen Black Hawk Down? That was set in Somalia, and made the place look nice compared to it's actual state. Well maybe not, but with the population involved in a bitter and seemingly endless civil war, tonnes of firearms and most males addicted to a form of low grade amphetamine, it's safe to say Somalia is one of the worst run countires in the World. In fact for a long time it's seat of government was in Kenya. Even they couldn't behave themselves and one session of parliment ended up with MPs beating each other with metal chairs. To make matters worse the North of the country has organised itself as "Somaliland", with a goverment which actual provides public services and recently held elections which international observers declared "free and fair". Yet this bit is not recognised as a sovereign state.
Swaziland - Lowest live expectancy in the World (32.62 years) which would mean I'm in the last third of my life, which just depresses me really. Also it's flag has a Zulu shield and some spears, which just reinforces racial sterotypes really.
Turkey - For an exotic chav holiday, try Turkey. I don't know why I dislike it so much but it just grates with me.
Turkmenistan - Ruled by possibly the most insane guy on the planet, Saparmurat Niyazov. In this desperately poor country he has built a golden statue of himself that turns to face the sun, and built an ice palace in the middle of the desert. Also he renamed "bread" to be called the same as his mother. His book "Ruhnama" is a compulsary read and usually the only book found in libraries. He's pretty much the poster boy for "insane dictators". He announced he might be holding fair elections in 2010, but I hope he doesn't as a crazy despot like that needs to be kept in power as it's funny to obseve (although probably fucking miserable to live with).
United Arab Emirates - Same as all the other oil rich countries I've slagged off. In fact I'm probably just jealous of their wealth. So what, fuck 'em.
Vietnam - Somehow things were probably better when the Americans were there. they may have been shot and massacred with somewhat alarmingly regularity, but at least they didn't have to stitch together replica Man Utd shirts for 20 pence a week.
Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe is fucking insane.
Don't be offended, I'm just bitter